No, don't think so. There are too msny diseases - some don't even show up right away. No. I take the Word seriously, and I know that God would honor my decision to divorce if my hubby committed adultery. That is a deal breaker that he and I already discussed. It is a shame that it happens in Christian homes...because they think that their Christian spouse would forgive them. It is not better for the kids to see that it is acceptable. It wouldn't be fair for them to have to witness the hostility and lack of affection and lack of respect that follows such a huge humiliation. I wouldn't stay with my husband if he cheated - no way. With what is written here, I guess it would be okay for me to cheat if he did - he'd forgive me, he would have to because God would want our marriage to stay together...bull.

Wendy, I will have to agree with you on this one 100%. One of the greatest phrases I ever heard in regards to an adulterer:

"They don't regret what they did. They just regret getting caught".

The Lord is generous with His mercy and He calls us to be merciful also.
Matthew 5:7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

I agree also but is it really about us or the kids? Well if no kids then no, leave go away, far away.

I definitely agree with the reconciliation part. I know of a man who didn't "get caught". Yet he caught himself and he confessed to his wife and children. IT WAS devastating for those around him. He left his job, where the source that took him into an adulterous relationship and the neglect of his wife led him as well, just as the Lyrics imply in Casting Crowns "Slow Fade" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-8SYA6rfbs. It took a lot of courage for him to do so. I see the results of his reconciliation with his wife. Their relationship through the power of God has already begun to mend and they are actually stronger than they were before.
If people would work on their relationship with God, and their families and the church in that order instead of running away to other relationships or other gods that they think are good, we'd be a stronger nation. Satan is out to destroy the family structure the original plan of Adam and Eve, one man, one woman in a relationship of peace and harmony, living in obedience to God and his order, when we slowly start bending the rules in our relationships of God's order we allow him a foothold for adultery. I strongly agree with the difficult task of reconciliation first rather than running away. For I have seen firsthand the rare power of forgiveness in our church and through a close friend. It is rare, yet a precious gem, and only by the power of prayer and relationship in Christ. Praise God for the healing in our church and for the man and his family where I have seen the superhuman effort of reconciliation.

While I agree that adultery is wrong, I feel that if we love the person that we married we should at least consider forgiveness. Don''t be like the people that caught the woman in adultery and were going to stone her. If we have even thought for just one moment about a person of the opposite sex that is not our mate, then we have committed adultery in our heart. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Very good SK, I like what you wrote. Yes the first thing we need to make sure of is that our relationship with the Lord is what it should be,then we need to put satan on notice that we are not his property, we belong to God, and then we should allways be working towards the ever strengthening of our marriage and family values. If we will do this we wont have to worry about having to apoligize for a sin that we could have resisted. I have been faced with this same temptation in the past but thru the grace of God I did resist it. I am glad and thankful that I did and I don't have to worry about begging for my wifes forgiveness.It is not a sin to be tempted just make sure that we didn't intice the temptation. God bless and have a good day.

I do believe in forgiveness. The Bible is very specific that you may divorce if adultery is committed. That is because it is that bad. Whether or not the person is caught they still leave their family open to so much pain, humiliation, and even danger. The other spouse is at risk for herpes, genital wart, AIDS, etc...The other spouse has to most likely deal with other people knowing about the affair and walk around humiliated. The other spouse may have to deal with the 'mistress' or male equivalent calling, driving past house, etc because they may not want the relationship to end. There are so many issues that go along with this....you CAN forgive AND divorce, you know!! I do believe that Satan does want to destroy marriages and that is why the Bible tells us to marry someone that is equally yoked. If a man or woman knows the Word, then they know that divorce is the consequence and that they are taking a chance of destroying so many lives for pleasures of the flesh...I believe that we need to keep our marriages together by having a healthy sex life with our spouses. God wants us to!! When we stay connected physically, spiritually, and emotionally to our spouse there is no excuse for adultery. I love my husband - I enjoy being with him every way and I could never imagine throwing all that away for another man. Keep in mind that someone who cheats may very well have it in the back of their mind that their spouse will forgive because that is the Christian thing to do...I am just saying it is bull. If that is the case, then why shouldn't the victim get some outside the marriage as well??

So...Wendy...it matters what the person's original thoughts were when they sinned as to whether or not we should forgive them?? God holds us to a much higher standard than that. We are called to forgive not matter what...even without an apology.

I don't mean to sound like I'm making light of the hurt that adultry can cause. I'm just saying that we can't rate sins and pick and choose what is unforgivable. Divorce or not, we are called to forgive. Left on our own, it's impossible. We can only truly forgive with the help and love of Jesus Christ.

I do forgive without apology. A recent example would be my mother in law treating me like crap. I am not saying that forgiveness is based on forethought, but rather you can forgive your spouse, but that doesn't mean you can't divorce him. You can the Bible is specific about that. You can forgive, divorce, and leave him to be judged by the God. I think you are confused by my opinion. I am sorry for that. My point is that you can forgive and divorce - you don't have to stay to forgive. Does that make better sense to you?

Wendy,
Believers are called to be transformed from a human perspective to a Christ-like perspective. And I think it is easy,when a person has experienced the profound wounding and hurt that comes from having a spouse that commits adultery, in our anguish to fall back to our "natural" self and desire: revenge, divorce, or to "get some" outside of marriage as well.
But regardless of the original offending spouse's mind-set regarding the possibility of being "forgiven" later; it seems to me the answer to your ending question (..."then why shouldn't the victim get some outside the marriage as well??") is simple, if "the victim" is a believer.....

...because it's wrong.

We are all sinners needing the salvation and forgiveness that Christ offers us. I need forgiveness every day and I need to forgive every day. He is SO good to all of us. We just need to repent and ask His forgiveness.

You can forgive and divorce. One is not contingent on the other. Read Matthew 5:27-32 AND I Corinth 7:1-5. Anyway, divorce is not revenge - it is the end of a marriage. The Bible allows us divorce in the situation of adultery. You can FORGIVE and DIVORCE. Forgiveness.

Wendy, we realize that Christ allows us to divorce with adultry in a marriage. He first asks us to forgive and reconcile whenever possible. Your original comment states that you would never consider reconciliation if your spouse cheated..."no way". That, along with your comments that someone would think that they could cheat and get away with it because their Christian spouse would have to forgive, is where there is disagreement. Once again, as Christians, we are called to aspire to a higher standard of behavior.

I am sorry that I feel compelled to defend myself. I don't have to defend myself. The Word is clear that we can divorce. If my husband would cheat on me I would forgive him and then divorce him. I don't think physically he could cheat on me, as we are extremely active with one another in many ways. I pray that none of this happens to any of us on this message board or of anyone I know. I apologize if I cam off as rude.

Yes, I believe God's word allows divorce in the case of adultery because, regardless of whether forgiveness has taken place, the devastating consequences of adultery are still there and the cumulative affects of those consequences may make it intolerable for the victim to continue to remain in the marriage.
Peace and blessings to all.

You can forgive and reconcile - that does not mean you have to stay married to them. I do think that people cheat because they think they can get away with it and if they are caught that they will be forgiven. I do say no way. That is because my husband and I agreed to that in our marriage. That is between God, my husband, and myself. I do all that is possible to affair proof my marriage. I am a very good wife to him in sooo many ways. He is a good husband to me in soooo many ways. Maybe if more Christians realized that you can really have a blast in the sack and still love God with your spouse, adultery would not be such a huge issue in Christian marriages. So many people are too uptight about sex. They think that is wrong to love it and enjoy it frequently and without inhibition with your own spouse....it is a shame. I teach my kids that it is a wonderful gift between husband and wife. I teach them that it is the best earthly feeling in the world to make love to your spouse. It is that special and it is not something to be ashamed of. A wonderful marriage and a wonderful sex life and good healthy kids and a love of God...My life is pretty full right now. I can't wait until my husband comes home!!!

Wendy, the Bible isn't speaking just to you as things stand with you right now. It speaks to those who have dealt with, are dealing with and will be dealing with adultry. No matter what the sin or original mindset we are all called to forgive, as He has first forgiven us.

Not to be rude, but you seem really clueless as to the issue. Yes, the Bible does speak to me. I am sorry - it sounds like you are dealing with this right now - as the one who cheated. Yikes, I am so sorry if that is the case. Though I do not know you, I pray that you may find comfort and peace through Jesus. As for others who have dealt with it - they had to make a choice and live based on their beliefs and their own marriage. I believe that every married person should discuss the reality of it. My husband and I agreed that if either of us were slightly tempted, we would discuss it and pray about it. When it isn't a secret, you can deal with it. You seem like you may have come from a very repressed home - I am sorry if that is the case. I beleive more churches need to teach us as married people how we can grow together and with Christ. I can only speak for myself on this issue....those who have dealt with it or are coping with it, I am sorry. And Melanie, I will pray for you as well...I am so sorry for whatever it is that you are dealing with right now.

Thanks for your prayers, Wendy. I am not dealing with adultry in my marriage but I understand that if that were to become an issue I would be called to forgive and try to reconcile because of my vows and what I am taught. Have a great day!

Oops!!...that's adultery...not adultry....lol
Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend everyone!!

Can someone help me understand what Wendy is saying? So her husband DIDN'T cheat on her? I am not following. Wendy, no offense but you seem extremely confused or just want some attention. And please, stop using profanity on a site like this. Thanks

Matthew, It is my understanding after reading the comments that Wendy is making the point that her choice (should such a situation ever occur) would be to forgive but to still divorce and that she would still be within the bounds of God's guidance in the Bible. The divorce would be the consequence of the sin of adultery. I think each situation has its own particulars and the individuals involved have to make their best evaluation and consider what would be most pleasing to God. Hopefully these situations will become fewer and fewer as the churches and communities reach out to married couples to give them support and resources to make for stronger marriages.

I agree with Janice with what Wendy is trying to convey. Please understand tho that we are all speaking from a hypothetical situation. I wonder what we would really do if it ever happened to us. I am of the opinion that we won't know until we walk in those shoes, and God deals with us about the situation.

I am even more confused now. Why put so much energy and thought into a hypothetical situation? Obviously, being prepared for any situation is good but this is more than some preperation for something that hasn't even occured. Especially in Wendy's case where she says "she could never see it happening with her spouse". Well if you can't ever see it happening, why are you so well read on the topic and have such an opinion on it? Just curious.

Matthew - I think Wendy is just stating her opinion about what would happen if her husband cheated on her. She also feels that someone married to a Christian could feel they could get away with it knowing that they would be forgiven and get on with life. I just hate to see on a Christian website someone stating this without a challenge. God asks us not to say, "no way" but to think that with His help and guidance that there is always a way. I am thankful that neither Wendy or I have cheated or are dealing with cheating, at this time. I can't begin to imagine the pain that infidelity causes. I do know however what God asks us to do, with His help, in that situation.

I have dealt with people that this has happened to and they are devastated beyond my imigination. One thing we have not mentioned yet is that when Christ said Moses gave the bill of divorcement for fornication, he also said that from the beginning it was not so. Lets hear the whole matter, it would be hard but I feel that an effort should be made to reconcile. God forgives us when we commit spiritual adultry but then he does't divorce us. You say that is different, is it? We have all gone a whoring after other relationships and then we come back and confess them to him. He still keeps us.

My husband and I went to see a screening of the movie, "Fireproof", which comes out to the theaters on Sept. 26. It is a great movie and should be helpful to all the married folks. Please make every effort to see it so your marriage can benefit. Singles would do well to see it, too, so they will have a clue when it comes to being married. It comes from the same group who put out "Facing the Giants".

Wendy dear, while I respect what you are saying now,it is a whole different ballgame when adultery becomes a reality. I am speaking from experience. All that one thinks they would do in this case, becomes something altogether different when it actually happens. I truly pray that you never have to experience this kind of betrayal first hand.

Thank you Janice and FCE - you understand what I mean!! (Looking forward to the movie - LOVED Facing the Giants!! And Carla, Yes I did encounter adultery. I was married before. I was almost 9 months pregnant when I walked in on my ex husband in a hotel room with another woman. Obviously, I do understand. That is why I did heed the advisement of the Bible for matters of divorce concerning adultery. I am glad it happened - I was then made available to meet and eventually marry my now husband who loves the Lord like I do. I took the advice of the Bible and married a man that I was 'equally yoked.' I stayed with my exhusband for 10 years dealing with abuse. I dealt with it because the Bible says nothing about divorce in the case of abuse; however, it is very clear about adultery. So, I do have a clue - first hand.

Hi Matthew. The reason why I was reading this in the first place was because reading this Daily Devotion page is a part of my daily activities to keep my mind on Christ. I responded to this devotion in particular because I do know first hand. There are so many Christians that do not understand that you do not have to stay with your husband after he has sex with another person outside of your marriage. (I use husband, but it could be a wife, too, though women tend to be far more forgiving.) Adultery is the only reason stated in the Bible that you can divorce your spouse. I believe the reason is because it is so vile, ignorant, and disgusting that we are allowed to divorce for that reason. I forgave my ex husband and I divorced him. We have 3 kids together. He has since remarried, as well. So, Matthew, really look into your Bible about adultery - there is more to it than you think. You may be surprised to find out info you didn't know before. I like searching the Word - because the Lord always has more info for me than what I am seeking in the first place. Matthew, I just wanted to make sure that I responded to your comments to perhaps give you a better insight. You assumed that this has never happened to me. The Bible does say to 'judge not.' Also, you referred to that comment that I made about my current husband...I do not think that adultery will be an issue because we are equally yoked. Adultery is an issue in many marriages - that is why he and I discussed the issue thouroughly prior to marriage because that is a deal breaker for me, and for us. I hope you have a better understanding about what I was trying to say.

No where in God word does it say that a gentle can divorce there spouse. In Matthew the word was spoken to the Jewish customs not gentle. You have to understand the customs back then where for the Jewish people. In the new testament it says: paraphrasing, except it be fornification or adultery then you are allowed to divorce. What part of No do we not understand, when God says he hates divorce and Jesus said for it was not so in the beginning and said Moses allowed divorce because of the hardness of your hearts. When you have a hard heart you are not in the will of God but proud and stubborn and you will do it your own way or else. You remember the song by Frank Sinatra "I will do it my way' I heard a saying on the radio the other day: "You keep marching towards hell and one day you will walk in".

You remember your wedding vows. "I ____________, take thee, ______________, to be my lawfully wedded wife... to have and to hold from this day forth... to love, honor, protect, and keep you, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health; and to cleave to you, and you only 'Till Death Do Us Part' or for as long as we both shall live." You see clearly this is a vow not only to the people around you and your wife or husband but to God. God heard every word that proceeded out of your mouth, you vowed, it is sealed till death do you part. When you get to the judgment seat of Christ he will ask you this question "where is your husband or where is your wife?
Remember, Jesus is the bridegroom and we are his bride, he is coming back for a church (yourself) without spot or wrinkle. Jesus could have divorced us at Calvary and called his angles from heaven to destroy mankind for there wickedness but instead, what did he say? Forgive them Father for the know not what they do.
My wife divorced me about two years ago but guess what I have not remarried because if I do I put my self in the sin of adultery and possibly putting an innocent party on the same boat. Jesus is not messing around with the word of God. It is clear and not twisted to what our itching ears want to hear. I Cor. 6:9-10 says: "Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God." Is it starting to become clear to us, can excuses change the truth or will the word of God judge our sins by our own foolishness. Love your brothers as your selves and pray for your enemies or you will not inherit the blessing that was given to you free through Jesus Christ our Messiah. Love, Love, Love and pray for your enemies. It's all about Loveing one another. If your husband commits adultery, pray for him,Love him, forgive him and be a minority example to your family and the world that Christ lives in you and you can forgive and restore anything that comes your way through Christ Jesus our Lord. "He is our example". After all Christ is always praying for us, he is our mediator, advocate, interseser, and High Priest before the Father in Heaven. My wife is a proticle wife and I am waiting some day that she will walk through that door with a broken and contrite heart and that we can rejoice in the Lord and give thanks to him because he is faithful and full of LOVE.
One last comment, my wife after she left me found another man on the internet and went down with him to Texas and Mexico. I met her up at the airport when she returned to talk to her about what she was doing. I really did not know what to say to her and the only thing that I could say was I Love you, I Love you, and finally, I Love you. She said " I Know". Jesus said to Peter do you love me, three times, I felt after words when I had said this to her that it came from God and I was expressing to my wife even knowing that she had been sleeping with this man that I had Christ in me and I said to her I Love you. I call her even today my wife and I wear my wedding band till death do us Part. God will not be mocked, he is faithful and I put all my trust in him and him only. God Bless, all, Michael.

Michael,I'm in the same situation and I hold true to the scripture. My husband left two months ago for, I think, someone he met on the internet. The only problem is he's all the way across the country so there's very little communication. I hold true to the scriptures also. I'm very confused, but I know the Lord will see me through. He has only been gone two months so I still dealing with the loneliness, etc that goes along with separation. Our 24th anniversary is coming up so it's difficult. I'm debating whether to send a card because we are still married and always will be in the eyes of God. I need lots of prayer to get through this. Thanks for your encouraging comment.

I never thought I would be here reading about this subject, but on Aug. 17, 2008, it was revealed to me (after knowing in my heart) that my wife did have an affair with one man, several times, in the summer of 03. We both entered marriage pure, born and raised in Southern Baptist, and Assembly of God. I tried to the best of my ability to start this marriage from Bible-based teachings, but it still failed. We have 2 wonderful children (9 and 11) and I still desire to raise them in a Christian home. My wife did not have to go to work, and I still blame myself for leading her to this sales job earning excellent pay. No job is worth what we are going through right now, I'd rather live in a tent, and I would give everything we have got to go back to the purity we once had in our marriage and our family. Other than loosing one of my children, death would be easier to deal with. We have always been a saved, hard working (farm), church going, prominent family, and I can't believe satan entered into our pure setting, but he did. Yes, I did, and still do want to run, and if it wasn't for my children I probably would have ended the union, but I am trying to allow reconciliation to take place, and only God can do it. I have a whole in my heart like none before. It is big, scabbed over, and the scab is still bleeding often, but we are still trying. The hardest part now for me is to fall back in love with the woman I once trusted with ever fiber in my body, and it is even more troublesome to now know why I have the outbreaks (std). I was told for 5 years its just a rash, and it did go away because the symptoms are much less in men than with women, but since I found out from a very repentive wife, stress brings on the outbreaks more often. PLEASE PRAY FOR US. NO ONE'S MARRIAGE IS FIREPROOF! But God can restore it and I'm allowing (now) Him to work. Satan is still like a roaming lion, seeking whom he can destroy, and the more your working for His kingdom, the more likely your going to be attacked. Yes, I know I have the right to leave, and I still may but, I'm going to give God time first, since I always have before.

First I would like to say, I thank God for this website. And I thank all the people for their comments. I am a victim of adultery. My husband and I been in the church ever since we was young. We got married in the church. I thought this could never happen to us. I tried to live by everything I understood from the bible and than some. I asked myself how could this happen to me. We been married for thirty-five years now. My husband told me of his affair two years ago. I'm still recovering from it with the Lords help. He told me the affair happen about twenty-five years ago but, he wanted to tell me but, he didn't know how. I had thought back than he was having affair and did confront him about it. At that time I must have caught him off guard and he said, no. I didn't have any evidence but I knew. I couldn't prove it. So life continued on. I believed Gods word that said, be sure your sins will find you out. I said all this to say there is forgiveness if we want to forgive. God is still helping me everyday to forgive. Sometimes feelings, movies and other things trigger those hurt feelings and I have to remind myself I have forgiven that. God has and is forgiven me everyday of things and thoughts in my body and I'm trying to do the same for my husband.

My husband of 29 years had an ongoing affair with his best friend's wife. I knew about it and he flaunted it in my face telling me he didn't love me and that people change.

He told me last year in May that he wanted me out of his life. The devastation of the affair, the feelings of inadequacy, the shame, the humiliation, it is like nothing I have ever experienced. If it were a one-night stand on some drunken binge I could over look it but I could not overlook this. I could forgive him but I could never forget what he did. Nor would I ever trust him again. He lied to me repeatedly about where he was and what he was doing. If we got back together I would become his warden and it would be like he is in jail because I would question absolutely everything he did. If he were 5 minutes late I would be suspicious. I am not interested in living my life being a warden to someone. We split and I am the happiest I have been in over 2 decades. I am free from a man who broke my heart and who continues on with his affair. I am still struggling with what is wrong with me that my own husband didn't even want me but I hope some day I will believe that the affair was about him not me and I can finally be free from the pain, betrayal and humiliation.

Hello. I want to say thank you to everyone who has posted their thoughts on adultery in a marriage. I have a fear to write my thoughts because I am an adulterer. My husband and I have been married for more than a decade and we have children. We were married very young and started off on a rocky start. I love my husband with all my heart. He has been a great provider and he is quick to say he is sorry on many occassions. He is also a wonderful father. See, I have always taken responsibility as a Christian to bring my family to church and raise our children with devotions and teach them how to love the Lord. There were things my husband did to me. He privatly beat me, called me horrible names if I accidently broke something in the house or spent too much money. He raped me. He verbally abused me, especially when I would talk about my love for Christ. He told me many times that his friends hated me. I forgave him over and over again. Then one day, I fell short, I snapped! There was a man who paid intimate attention to me and said I was an amazing woman. I fell into this trap so easily. I slept with this man. I quickly realized what I did. I was trying to ask God for forgiveness and I thought I wanted to take it to my grave because I knew what may lay ahead for me once I told my husband. Finally, I felt this overwhelming conviction and I told him. I told him I wanted and needed forgiveness. He said many many terrible and hurtful things. He told everyone at his workplace and he told every member of his family. We really struggled for awhile and I never thought we would last. I felt humiliation and he felt betrayed. I thought I was better than that. After all the hurt he put me through; I reached lower.
Long story short;It has been 3 years since it has happened and 2 years since I have told him. I have struggled through so many devestating things in this marriage. My husband has struggled through this devastating thing. Since then, my husband has cried out to me to forgive him for everything he has put me through. He has become a born again Christian and he has just recently felt a calling from the Lord to become a Pastor! Yes, there are still trying times with us but after everything we have put each other through; I have a marriage that I would never want to give up. I love my husband so dearly. We have come to love and respect each other. Still, working on trust and resentment issues but this is my story. I love Jesus Christ for everything He gives me. My husband especially.