No, don't think so. There are too msny diseases - some don't even show up right away. No. I take the Word seriously, and I know that God would honor my decision to divorce if my hubby committed adultery. That is a deal breaker that he and I already discussed. It is a shame that it happens in Christian homes...because they think that their Christian spouse would forgive them. It is not better for the kids to see that it is acceptable. It wouldn't be fair for them to have to witness the hostility and lack of affection and lack of respect that follows such a huge humiliation. I wouldn't stay with my husband if he cheated - no way. With what is written here, I guess it would be okay for me to cheat if he did - he'd forgive me, he would have to because God would want our marriage to stay together...bull. - Wendy

Wendy, I will have to agree with you on this one 100%. One of the greatest phrases I ever heard in regards to an adulterer:

"They don't regret what they did. They just regret getting caught".

- Matthew

The Lord is generous with His mercy and He calls us to be merciful also.
Matthew 5:7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. - Melanie

I agree also but is it really about us or the kids? Well if no kids then no, leave go away, far away. - Stephen

I definitely agree with the reconciliation part. I know of a man who didn't "get caught". Yet he caught himself and he confessed to his wife and children. IT WAS devastating for those around him. He left his job, where the source that took him into an adulterous relationship and the neglect of his wife led him as well, just as the Lyrics imply in Casting Crowns "Slow Fade" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-8SYA6rfbs. It took a lot of courage for him to do so. I see the results of his reconciliation with his wife. Their relationship through the power of God has already begun to mend and they are actually stronger than they were before.
If people would work on their relationship with God, and their families and the church in that order instead of running away to other relationships or other gods that they think are good, we'd be a stronger nation. Satan is out to destroy the family structure the original plan of Adam and Eve, one man, one woman in a relationship of peace and harmony, living in obedience to God and his order, when we slowly start bending the rules in our relationships of God's order we allow him a foothold for adultery. I strongly agree with the difficult task of reconciliation first rather than running away. For I have seen firsthand the rare power of forgiveness in our church and through a close friend. It is rare, yet a precious gem, and only by the power of prayer and relationship in Christ. Praise God for the healing in our church and for the man and his family where I have seen the superhuman effort of reconciliation. - SK

While I agree that adultery is wrong, I feel that if we love the person that we married we should at least consider forgiveness. Don''t be like the people that caught the woman in adultery and were going to stone her. If we have even thought for just one moment about a person of the opposite sex that is not our mate, then we have committed adultery in our heart. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. - Judy Grebe

Very good SK, I like what you wrote. Yes the first thing we need to make sure of is that our relationship with the Lord is what it should be,then we need to put satan on notice that we are not his property, we belong to God, and then we should allways be working towards the ever strengthening of our marriage and family values. If we will do this we wont have to worry about having to apoligize for a sin that we could have resisted. I have been faced with this same temptation in the past but thru the grace of God I did resist it. I am glad and thankful that I did and I don't have to worry about begging for my wifes forgiveness.It is not a sin to be tempted just make sure that we didn't intice the temptation. God bless and have a good day. - Jerry

I do believe in forgiveness. The Bible is very specific that you may divorce if adultery is committed. That is because it is that bad. Whether or not the person is caught they still leave their family open to so much pain, humiliation, and even danger. The other spouse is at risk for herpes, genital wart, AIDS, etc...The other spouse has to most likely deal with other people knowing about the affair and walk around humiliated. The other spouse may have to deal with the 'mistress' or male equivalent calling, driving past house, etc because they may not want the relationship to end. There are so many issues that go along with this....you CAN forgive AND divorce, you know!! I do believe that Satan does want to destroy marriages and that is why the Bible tells us to marry someone that is equally yoked. If a man or woman knows the Word, then they know that divorce is the consequence and that they are taking a chance of destroying so many lives for pleasures of the flesh...I believe that we need to keep our marriages together by having a healthy sex life with our spouses. God wants us to!! When we stay connected physically, spiritually, and emotionally to our spouse there is no excuse for adultery. I love my husband - I enjoy being with him every way and I could never imagine throwing all that away for another man. Keep in mind that someone who cheats may very well have it in the back of their mind that their spouse will forgive because that is the Christian thing to do...I am just saying it is bull. If that is the case, then why shouldn't the victim get some outside the marriage as well?? - Wendy

So...Wendy...it matters what the person's original thoughts were when they sinned as to whether or not we should forgive them?? God holds us to a much higher standard than that. We are called to forgive not matter what...even without an apology. - Melanie

I don't mean to sound like I'm making light of the hurt that adultry can cause. I'm just saying that we can't rate sins and pick and choose what is unforgivable. Divorce or not, we are called to forgive. Left on our own, it's impossible. We can only truly forgive with the help and love of Jesus Christ. - Melanie

I do forgive without apology. A recent example would be my mother in law treating me like crap. I am not saying that forgiveness is based on forethought, but rather you can forgive your spouse, but that doesn't mean you can't divorce him. You can the Bible is specific about that. You can forgive, divorce, and leave him to be judged by the God. I think you are confused by my opinion. I am sorry for that. My point is that you can forgive and divorce - you don't have to stay to forgive. Does that make better sense to you? - Wendy

Wendy,
Believers are called to be transformed from a human perspective to a Christ-like perspective. And I think it is easy,when a person has experienced the profound wounding and hurt that comes from having a spouse that commits adultery, in our anguish to fall back to our "natural" self and desire: revenge, divorce, or to "get some" outside of marriage as well.
But regardless of the original offending spouse's mind-set regarding the possibility of being "forgiven" later; it seems to me the answer to your ending question (..."then why shouldn't the victim get some outside the marriage as well??") is simple, if "the victim" is a believer.....

...because it's wrong. - Jubal

We are all sinners needing the salvation and forgiveness that Christ offers us. I need forgiveness every day and I need to forgive every day. He is SO good to all of us. We just need to repent and ask His forgiveness. - Melanie

You can forgive and divorce. One is not contingent on the other. Read Matthew 5:27-32 AND I Corinth 7:1-5. Anyway, divorce is not revenge - it is the end of a marriage. The Bible allows us divorce in the situation of adultery. You can FORGIVE and DIVORCE. Forgiveness. - Wendy

Wendy, we realize that Christ allows us to divorce with adultry in a marriage. He first asks us to forgive and reconcile whenever possible. Your original comment states that you would never consider reconciliation if your spouse cheated..."no way". That, along with your comments that someone would think that they could cheat and get away with it because their Christian spouse would have to forgive, is where there is disagreement. Once again, as Christians, we are called to aspire to a higher standard of behavior. - Melanie

I am sorry that I feel compelled to defend myself. I don't have to defend myself. The Word is clear that we can divorce. If my husband would cheat on me I would forgive him and then divorce him. I don't think physically he could cheat on me, as we are extremely active with one another in many ways. I pray that none of this happens to any of us on this message board or of anyone I know. I apologize if I cam off as rude. - Wendy

Yes, I believe God's word allows divorce in the case of adultery because, regardless of whether forgiveness has taken place, the devastating consequences of adultery are still there and the cumulative affects of those consequences may make it intolerable for the victim to continue to remain in the marriage.
Peace and blessings to all. - Jubal

You can forgive and reconcile - that does not mean you have to stay married to them. I do think that people cheat because they think they can get away with it and if they are caught that they will be forgiven. I do say no way. That is because my husband and I agreed to that in our marriage. That is between God, my husband, and myself. I do all that is possible to affair proof my marriage. I am a very good wife to him in sooo many ways. He is a good husband to me in soooo many ways. Maybe if more Christians realized that you can really have a blast in the sack and still love God with your spouse, adultery would not be such a huge issue in Christian marriages. So many people are too uptight about sex. They think that is wrong to love it and enjoy it frequently and without inhibition with your own spouse....it is a shame. I teach my kids that it is a wonderful gift between husband and wife. I teach them that it is the best earthly feeling in the world to make love to your spouse. It is that special and it is not something to be ashamed of. A wonderful marriage and a wonderful sex life and good healthy kids and a love of God...My life is pretty full right now. I can't wait until my husband comes home!!! - Wendy

Wendy, the Bible isn't speaking just to you as things stand with you right now. It speaks to those who have dealt with, are dealing with and will be dealing with adultry. No matter what the sin or original mindset we are all called to forgive, as He has first forgiven us. - Melanie

Not to be rude, but you seem really clueless as to the issue. Yes, the Bible does speak to me. I am sorry - it sounds like you are dealing with this right now - as the one who cheated. Yikes, I am so sorry if that is the case. Though I do not know you, I pray that you may find comfort and peace through Jesus. As for others who have dealt with it - they had to make a choice and live based on their beliefs and their own marriage. I believe that every married person should discuss the reality of it. My husband and I agreed that if either of us were slightly tempted, we would discuss it and pray about it. When it isn't a secret, you can deal with it. You seem like you may have come from a very repressed home - I am sorry if that is the case. I beleive more churches need to teach us as married people how we can grow together and with Christ. I can only speak for myself on this issue....those who have dealt with it or are coping with it, I am sorry. And Melanie, I will pray for you as well...I am so sorry for whatever it is that you are dealing with right now. - Wendy

Thanks for your prayers, Wendy. I am not dealing with adultry in my marriage but I understand that if that were to become an issue I would be called to forgive and try to reconcile because of my vows and what I am taught. Have a great day! - Melanie

Oops!!...that's adultery...not adultry....lol
Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend everyone!! - Melanie

Can someone help me understand what Wendy is saying? So her husband DIDN'T cheat on her? I am not following. Wendy, no offense but you seem extremely confused or just want some attention. And please, stop using profanity on a site like this. Thanks - Matthew

Matthew, It is my understanding after reading the comments that Wendy is making the point that her choice (should such a situation ever occur) would be to forgive but to still divorce and that she would still be within the bounds of God's guidance in the Bible. The divorce would be the consequence of the sin of adultery. I think each situation has its own particulars and the individuals involved have to make their best evaluation and consider what would be most pleasing to God. Hopefully these situations will become fewer and fewer as the churches and communities reach out to married couples to give them support and resources to make for stronger marriages. - Janice

I agree with Janice with what Wendy is trying to convey. Please understand tho that we are all speaking from a hypothetical situation. I wonder what we would really do if it ever happened to us. I am of the opinion that we won't know until we walk in those shoes, and God deals with us about the situation. - FCE

I am even more confused now. Why put so much energy and thought into a hypothetical situation? Obviously, being prepared for any situation is good but this is more than some preperation for something that hasn't even occured. Especially in Wendy's case where she says "she could never see it happening with her spouse". Well if you can't ever see it happening, why are you so well read on the topic and have such an opinion on it? Just curious. - Matthew

Matthew - I think Wendy is just stating her opinion about what would happen if her husband cheated on her. She also feels that someone married to a Christian could feel they could get away with it knowing that they would be forgiven and get on with life. I just hate to see on a Christian website someone stating this without a challenge. God asks us not to say, "no way" but to think that with His help and guidance that there is always a way. I am thankful that neither Wendy or I have cheated or are dealing with cheating, at this time. I can't begin to imagine the pain that infidelity causes. I do know however what God asks us to do, with His help, in that situation. - Melanie

I have dealt with people that this has happened to and they are devastated beyond my imigination. One thing we have not mentioned yet is that when Christ said Moses gave the bill of divorcement for fornication, he also said that from the beginning it was not so. Lets hear the whole matter, it would be hard but I feel that an effort should be made to reconcile. God forgives us when we commit spiritual adultry but then he does't divorce us. You say that is different, is it? We have all gone a whoring after other relationships and then we come back and confess them to him. He still keeps us. - Jerry

My husband and I went to see a screening of the movie, "Fireproof", which comes out to the theaters on Sept. 26. It is a great movie and should be helpful to all the married folks. Please make every effort to see it so your marriage can benefit. Singles would do well to see it, too, so they will have a clue when it comes to being married. It comes from the same group who put out "Facing the Giants". - Janice

Wendy dear, while I respect what you are saying now,it is a whole different ballgame when adultery becomes a reality. I am speaking from experience. All that one thinks they would do in this case, becomes something altogether different when it actually happens. I truly pray that you never have to experience this kind of betrayal first hand. - carla

Thank you Janice and FCE - you understand what I mean!! (Looking forward to the movie - LOVED Facing the Giants!! And Carla, Yes I did encounter adultery. I was married before. I was almost 9 months pregnant when I walked in on my ex husband in a hotel room with another woman. Obviously, I do understand. That is why I did heed the advisement of the Bible for matters of divorce concerning adultery. I am glad it happened - I was then made available to meet and eventually marry my now husband who loves the Lord like I do. I took the advice of the Bible and married a man that I was 'equally yoked.' I stayed with my exhusband for 10 years dealing with abuse. I dealt with it because the Bible says nothing about divorce in the case of abuse; however, it is very clear about adultery. So, I do have a clue - first hand. - Wendy

Hi Matthew. The reason why I was reading this in the first place was because reading this Daily Devotion page is a part of my daily activities to keep my mind on Christ. I responded to this devotion in particular because I do know first hand. There are so many Christians that do not understand that you do not have to stay with your husband after he has sex with another person outside of your marriage. (I use husband, but it could be a wife, too, though women tend to be far more forgiving.) Adultery is the only reason stated in the Bible that you can divorce your spouse. I believe the reason is because it is so vile, ignorant, and disgusting that we are allowed to divorce for that reason. I forgave my ex husband and I divorced him. We have 3 kids together. He has since remarried, as well. So, Matthew, really look into your Bible about adultery - there is more to it than you think. You may be surprised to find out info you didn't know before. I like searching the Word - because the Lord always has more info for me than what I am seeking in the first place. Matthew, I just wanted to make sure that I responded to your comments to perhaps give you a better insight. You assumed that this has never happened to me. The Bible does say to 'judge not.' Also, you referred to that comment that I made about my current husband...I do not think that adultery will be an issue because we are equally yoked. Adultery is an issue in many marriages - that is why he and I discussed the issue thouroughly prior to marriage because that is a deal breaker for me, and for us. I hope you have a better understanding about what I was trying to say. - Wendy

No where in God word does it say that a gentle can divorce there spouse. In Matthew the word was spoken to the Jewish customs not gentle. You have to understand the customs back then where for the Jewish people. In the new testament it says: paraphrasing, except it be fornification or adultery then you are allowed to divorce. What part of No do we not understand, when God says he hates divorce and Jesus said for it was not so in the beginning and said Moses allowed divorce because of the hardness of your hearts. When you have a hard heart you are not in the will of God but proud and stubborn and you will do it your own way or else. You remember the song by Frank Sinatra "I will do it my way' I heard a saying on the radio the other day: "You keep marching towards hell and one day you will walk in".

You remember your wedding vows. "I ____________, take thee, ______________, to be my lawfully wedded wife... to have and to hold from this day forth... to love, honor, protect, and keep you, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health; and to cleave to you, and you only 'Till Death Do Us Part' or for as long as we both shall live." You see clearly this is a vow not only to the people around you and your wife or husband but to God. God heard every word that proceeded out of your mouth, you vowed, it is sealed till death do you part. When you get to the judgment seat of Christ he will ask you this question "where is your husband or where is your wife?
Remember, Jesus is the bridegroom and we are his bride, he is coming back for a church (yourself) without spot or wrinkle. Jesus could have divorced us at Calvary and called his angles from heaven to destroy mankind for there wickedness but instead, what did he say? Forgive them Father for the know not what they do.
My wife divorced me about two years ago but guess what I have not remarried because if I do I put my self in the sin of adultery and possibly putting an innocent party on the same boat. Jesus is not messing around with the word of God. It is clear and not twisted to what our itching ears want to hear. I Cor. 6:9-10 says: "Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God." Is it starting to become clear to us, can excuses change the truth or will the word of God judge our sins by our own foolishness. Love your brothers as your selves and pray for your enemies or you will not inherit the blessing that was given to you free through Jesus Christ our Messiah. Love, Love, Love and pray for your enemies. It's all about Loveing one another. If your husband commits adultery, pray for him,Love him, forgive him and be a minority example to your family and the world that Christ lives in you and you can forgive and restore anything that comes your way through Christ Jesus our Lord. "He is our example". After all Christ is always praying for us, he is our mediator, advocate, interseser, and High Priest before the Father in Heaven. My wife is a proticle wife and I am waiting some day that she will walk through that door with a broken and contrite heart and that we can rejoice in the Lord and give thanks to him because he is faithful and full of LOVE.
One last comment, my wife after she left me found another man on the internet and went down with him to Texas and Mexico. I met her up at the airport when she returned to talk to her about what she was doing. I really did not know what to say to her and the only thing that I could say was I Love you, I Love you, and finally, I Love you. She said " I Know". Jesus said to Peter do you love me, three times, I felt after words when I had said this to her that it came from God and I was expressing to my wife even knowing that she had been sleeping with this man that I had Christ in me and I said to her I Love you. I call her even today my wife and I wear my wedding band till death do us Part. God will not be mocked, he is faithful and I put all my trust in him and him only. God Bless, all, Michael.
- Michael

Michael,I'm in the same situation and I hold true to the scripture. My husband left two months ago for, I think, someone he met on the internet. The only problem is he's all the way across the country so there's very little communication. I hold true to the scriptures also. I'm very confused, but I know the Lord will see me through. He has only been gone two months so I still dealing with the loneliness, etc that goes along with separation. Our 24th anniversary is coming up so it's difficult. I'm debating whether to send a card because we are still married and always will be in the eyes of God. I need lots of prayer to get through this. Thanks for your encouraging comment.
- Sharon